Augustus is variously known as Gus, Gusgus, Güßchen, Asparagustus, Aspirational Gustus, Delicate Aggers, Your Next Frenemy, der Tod trägt Jeans, and That’s Not Our Bassist But I Don’t Want To Be The One To Say Anything. We first caught him hanging round the stairs to the MCR in a Balrog t-shirt, tapping on each step with his ringed knuckles, saying, “Hey, hey, can you hear that? I used to be in a band,” a display that immediately recommended him to the office of President. It was some time after that we learned of Gus’ day job as an Astrophysics DPhil in the University. Since he does not understand memes, more fruitful avenues of conversation include: asking him to identify constellations on the spot, asking him to list his crushes in order, and asking him what he’s pickled recently.
You know that bit in Transformers (2007) when Bernie Mac utters the immortal line, “A driver don’t pick the car, nuh-uh... the car picks the driver”, the same can be said of Louis’s DPhil. The combustion engine life chose him. Although he spends his days fettered in the MCR, he longs to answer the call of the open road (a go-karting track will do - for the moment), to feel the wind get stuck in his hair, and to buy a neck pillow from every service station in the UK. Don’t be put off by his grouchy-man, beardy persona because, after all, you can’t spell misanthropy without P-A-R-T-Y.
Shuang is currently in her second year of DPhil in Chemical Biology. Aside from her research on this mutated protein involved in brain cancer and targeted drug delivery to treat breast cancer, she is involved in the MCR’s financial planning and take care of all your reimbursements and battles. If you can't find her in the MCR, she's probably cracking her brain in the lab. Feel free to email her for any related questions or just to say hi!
Regina has reconciled herself to the fundamental contingency of being.
Cillian, better known as C-man, lover of ‘tatoes, kill dawg to others, bacteria boy to all 😎 He means no harm, it’s just his Irish charm. Despite his fish out of water attitude in this foreign English lands, he is by no means a fan of the Irish goodbye, always up for a drink at barnight, chocolate at second dessert or copious amounts of treats at brunches. His studies as a biochemist are mainly focused on the production of the finest of Irish ales, as a side project he is trying to cure diseases and stuff.
Environmental Rep & Social Secretary
Zeena is your resident adopted brown Scot from India. She is doing an MPhil in Development Studies. Zeena loves partying HARD but her true passion is cleaning up afterwards and saving the environment!! Oh yeah, and if you can’t find her it’s cause she's out farming at the MCR allotment. Sometimes she can’t stop herself farming and she doesn’t even make it home!! 🧟♂️
Constantinople was once known by the name Byzantium and is now called Istanbul. Maybe it was also called Alexandria. Constantin is not named after this city. Constantin is a rock. A German rock. A German rock who drinks (whisky preferably). And likes cheese. When he’s not busy rowing boats at ungodly hours of the morning with the illustrious M3 at our illustrious college, he works at the junction of biology and computing (which is obviously the best junction). Cheese still remains his greatest passion. You can recognise him by his shirts with sailing boats, fashionably buttoned to the top, by the cheese platter he carries with him at all times and, in the club, by his sick moves.
Welfare Officer & LGBT+ Rep
Alfred is in his second year of MPhil in Sanskrit, editing a manuscript that no one else cares about. When he is not too busy solving intricate Sanskrit grammatical structures, you can find him being active in various LGBTQ+ scenes and complaining about the intricate Sanskrit grammatical structures.
Welfare Officer & Disabilities Rep
Katherine is a Theologian/Historian (depending on which has more funding.) She spends alot of time pondering Chrisitianity and reading the works of obscure mystics, shoots guns for fun; promises she's not American. Katherine is a peer supporter, good listener, and excellent shoulder to cry on (although those over 6 foot may have to stoop). She loves everything about Pembroke, and is determined to never leave. Ever.
Louis is a time traveller from the 1600s who became stranded here when it emerged that his doctoral studies did not in fact qualify him to successfully pilot a Tardis. Impressed by his progress towards integration into 21st century life (to the point where he is able to tolerate the sight of an uncovered ankle without blushing, and only occasionally denounces smartphones as witchcraft), Pembroke MCR appointed him to the position of Access Rep. Consequently, when not writing up his reminiscences and passing them off as academic history, he can be found devising elaborate schemes to help students from disadvantaged backgrounds apply to Oxford.
Changhao is a second-year DPhil student in Computer Science, working on machine learning & perception and some other cool stuffs. The life in Pembroke is amazing. If you meet any problems in academics, just send him an email.
Sports Rep & Bar Manager
Malte came into this world when a young Etlam Rellak spent way too long staring into his bedroom mirror. Malte has since faced many challenges, due to a spelling error, his initial peer supporter training consisted of standing in the water and holding up a platform down at the docks. After achieving his dream of winning gold in the world cake curling championships Malte was headhunted for the role of sports rep.
ELIZABETH SMITH ROSSER
Beth was once served as a drink at a twilight theme party. Haunted by this experience, she spends her Friday nights frantically intoxicating people for the greater good. During the week, she uses her new found powers to research why ancient Chinese people laughed about inappropriate things.
Simon is not actually a person but rather the conglomeration of every internet cat celebrity, all writhing around under human clothes. Casting off their feline fame just to bring us bar nights and brunches, it is this warmth, cheerfulness, and ability to disseminate into literally hundreds of kittens that makes Simon the ideal man to handle your drinks.
I came. I saw. I stayed for a bit.
Olivia is Pembroke’s Queen Brie. Hailing from Provence, she knows a thing or two about la gastronomie and she can definitely tell red wine from white. Her love for Monopoly lead her to occupy the role of Treasurer for a whole year without any bankruptcy. She has given the cash back, but struggles relinquishing power, and she now oversees the different reimbursement and funding schemes implemented by the MCR. Global historian by day and very "bon(ne) vivant(e)" by night, you’ll soon learn that Olivia’s wonderfully ubiquitous presence can be felt all around college. In fact, she’s probably behind you right now.
Mira tries to juggle never leaving the labs in the Psychology department with her actual PhD dissertation on compiling the unofficial ranking of best bubble tea in Oxford. She is mildly obsessed with plants and long walks just about anywhere.
Tilman just can't get enough of studying law. After getting a law degree in Germany, he is trying to get yet another from Oxford. If you, too, are desperately trying to put off getting a job, feel free to get in touch for some advice.
ALICE CAMPBELL DAVIS
Alice is 25 and doing another undergraduate degree. Do not go to her for life advice.