Having devoted his life to studying the Holy Roman Empire, Louis knows all about what it means to be elected by dubiously democratic means to a largely ceremonial dignity presiding over an ancient and eccentric institution. Rumours that he is amassing a mercenary army in order to wrest supreme authority over Christendom from the Pope are, however, almost entirely unfounded.
Constantinople was once known by the name Byzantium and is now called Istanbul. Maybe it was also called Alexandria. Constantin is not named after this city. Constantin is a rock. A German rock. A German rock who drinks (whisky preferably). And likes cheese. When he’s not busy rowing boats at ungodly hours of the morning with the illustrious M3 at our illustrious college, he works at the junction of biology and computing (which is obviously the best junction). Cheese still remains his greatest passion. You can recognise him by his shirts with sailing boats, fashionably buttoned to the top, by the cheese platter he carries with him at all times and, in the club, by his sick moves.
Cillian, better known as C-man, lover of ‘tatoes, kill dawg to others, bacteria boy to all 😎 He means no harm, it’s just his Irish charm. Despite his fish out of water attitude in this foreign English lands, he is by no means a fan of the Irish goodbye, always up for a drink at barnight, chocolate at second dessert or copious amounts of treats at brunches. His studies as a biochemist are mainly focused on the production of the finest of Irish ales, as a side project he is trying to cure diseases and stuff.
"Regina's not a regular secretary, she's a cool secretary."
Katie heard the term “moving on to greener pastures” and took it literally, leaving behind cacti, javelina, and dry heat to come to Oxford to explore grass, oxen, and rain. She can often be heard marveling at the fact that the rivers here are full of water all year long, or found generally shivering, the latter of which she does while reading for her History degree. When not in a library, she enjoys trying to guess how old buildings are, kicking piles of leaves, and of course, hosting fun social events in the MCR! With the other one-and-a-half American social secs, she is looking forward to starting the second phase of the American invasion of the UK as begun by Meghan Markle - wait no - don’t post that last bit -
Hailing from the Windy City, Ariana ran for social sec as a way to make up for a childhood spent in Saturday school to learn her ancestral language of Lithuanian. She spends most of her time either holed up in the social science library writing detailed pros and cons lists about different political systems, or engaging in her favorite form of evangelism: proclaiming to anyone who will listen that “Magic Mike XXL is a feminist masterpiece.” You may have confused her for a heap of rags down at the river on a cold winter’s morning, yelling at people to exercise. All this just goes to show that Ari knows how to have a good time.
Is she American? Irish? Australian? Whatever the accent is it ain’t brummie. Allie has crashed into Pembroke MCR after five years in the wilderness of the new world in a place called “Boston”. She is a font of great knowledge from her DPhil studies in experimental psychology to her understanding of the human form: “drink a pint of Guinness to settle your stomach”. Luckily for us she has decided to bestow this wisdom by serving as social secretary, leading the charge to Aldi in Ryan the Fiat 500 in search of bargain European cheeses, and ensuring that MCR events always have great lighting. You can recognize Allie at bar nights as the gal who accepts the weirdest drinks from the bar managers, without questioning what it is.
Welfare Officer & Disabilities Rep
Katherine is a Theologian/Historian (depending on which has more funding.) She spends alot of time pondering Chrisitianity and reading the works of obscure mystics, shoots guns for fun; promises she's not American. Katherine is a peer supporter, good listener, and excellent shoulder to cry on (although those over 6 foot may have to stoop). She loves everything about Pembroke, and is determined to never leave. Ever.
Carolina is a bubbly, upbeat, (probably or definitely, choose what you prefer) crazy Italian 4th Year Undergraduate student. If she has not told you about her passion for Italy and Italian food, football, poetry, motorsport and powerlifting - managing to mix all these up in the same conversation - then she will probably do it very soon. Legend says that she has not missed a single Second Dessert or Brunch this year and she is determined to uphold her reputation. When she is not talking, eating or introducing herself to strangers, she studies Spanish and Arabic. If you speak one of these languages, or more broadly any language, watch out! You might be her next target as she approaches you and says “I’m not chatty, I’m just friendly!”
Welfare Officer & Environmental Rep
Zeena is your resident adopted brown Scot from India. She is doing an MPhil in Development Studies. Zeena loves partying HARD but her true passion is cleaning up afterwards and saving the environment!! She is also one of the Welfare Reps and a Peer supporter. So if you ever need someone to talk to don’t hesitate to get in touch with her
Corina has reconciled herself to the fundamental contingency of being.
Gaurav's bio is not located in this realm of existence.
Having swapped the flared trousers and bucket hats of the University of Manchester for the gowns and mortar boards of Oxford, I have come to the realisation that I have found my true calling in life. Why drink questionably warm cider at a grimy basement party when you can sip Pembroke’s finest port in a wood panelled lounge? Can I get a ‘hear hear’!!?
While Hannah may try to convince you that she is from Yorkshire, do not be fooled: she’s actually an Essex girl. After being chased out of Durham with pitchforks, Hannah ended up at Oxford to obtain a DPhil in Reading Books. However, instead of reading any books, she spends her time working up schemes as Access Rep and realising her election promise to seize the means of production. She can often be found hoarding drinks tokens from her friends, being branded a “terrorist” by commenters on the Daily Mail, and aggressively making her way through the line at McCoy’s for chicken nuggets at 1am. And a warning to all: nobody has taken Hannah up on her midnight tequila shots and not regretted it the next day.
David hasn't disclosed any information about himself yet.
Maz is a curious creature who has rejected the traditions of Essex by being neither orange nor blonde. Most of her hobbies seem to centre around different ways of kicking things – at odds with her soft and fluffy demeanour. Always prepared to make a cup of tea or do a questionable accent to cheer people up, she is less prepared to actually study. She doesn’t really know what she’s doing for her DPhil yet, but that’s okay because nor does anyone else when she says “computational biomedicine”. So back to kicking things and getting others involved too.
Malte came into this world when a young Etlam Rellak spent way too long staring into his bedroom mirror. Malte has since faced many challenges, due to a spelling error, his initial peer supporter training consisted of standing in the water and holding up a platform down at the docks. After achieving his dream of winning gold in the world cake curling championships Malte was headhunted for the role of sports rep.
ELIZABETH SMITH ROSSER
Beth was once served as a drink at a twilight theme party. Haunted by this experience, she spends her Friday nights frantically intoxicating people for the greater good. During the week, she uses her new found powers to research why ancient Chinese people laughed about inappropriate things.
Simon is not actually a person but rather the conglomeration of every internet cat celebrity, all writhing around under human clothes. Casting off their feline fame just to bring us bar nights and brunches, it is this warmth, cheerfulness, and ability to disseminate into literally hundreds of kittens that makes Simon the ideal man to handle your drinks.
Olivia is Pembroke’s Queen Brie. Hailing from Provence, she knows a thing or two about la gastronomie and she can definitely tell red wine from white. Her love for Monopoly lead her to occupy the role of Treasurer for a whole year without any bankruptcy. She has given the cash back, but struggles relinquishing power, and she now oversees the different reimbursement and funding schemes implemented by the MCR. Global historian by day and very "bon(ne) vivant(e)" by night, you’ll soon learn that Olivia’s wonderfully ubiquitous presence can be felt all around college. In fact, she’s probably behind you right now.
Mira tries to juggle never leaving the labs in the Psychology department with her actual PhD dissertation on compiling the unofficial ranking of best bubble tea in Oxford. She is mildly obsessed with plants and long walks just about anywhere.
ALICE CAMPBELL DAVIS
Alice is 25 and doing another undergraduate degree. Do not go to her for life advice.