Constantinople was once known by the name Byzantium and is now called Istanbul. Maybe it was also called Alexandria. Constantin is not named after this city. Constantin is a rock. A rock who likes cheese. When he’s not busy rowing boats at ungodly hours of the morning with the illustrious M3 at our illustrious college, he works at the junction of biology and computing (which is obviously the best junction). Cheese still remains his greatest passion. You can recognise him by his shirts with sailing boats, fashionably buttoned to the top, by the cheese platter he carries with him at all times and, in the club, by his sick moves.
President
CONSTANTIN SCHNEIDER
Is she American? Irish? Australian? Whatever the accent is it ain’t brummie. Allie has crashed into Pembroke MCR after five years in the wilderness of the new world in a place called “Boston”. She is a font of great knowledge from her DPhil studies in experimental psychology to her understanding of the human form: “drink a pint of Guinness to settle your stomach”. Luckily for us she has decided to bestow this wisdom by serving as vice president. You can recognize Allie at bar nights as the gal who accepts the weirdest drinks from the bar managers, without questioning what it is.
Vice President
ALLIE HEXLEY
Cillian, better known as C-man, lover of ‘tatoes, kill dawg to others, bacteria boy to all 😎 He means no harm, it’s just his Irish charm. Despite his fish out of water attitude in this foreign English lands, he is by no means a fan of the Irish goodbye, always up for a drink at barnight, chocolate at second dessert or copious amounts of treats at brunches. His studies as a biochemist are mainly focused on the production of the finest of Irish ales, as a side project he is trying to cure diseases and stuff.
Treasurer
CILLIAN BROPHY
Reginald III is proud to uphold Pembroke MCR’s ancient secretarial customs of enlightening our members with regular email notices, compiling records of the committee’s sage deliberations, and being a fictional giraffe. The original reason why this position was reserved for an imaginary even-toed ungulate is lost in the mists of prehistory (i.e. somewhere around 2014), but Reg is nothing if not a stickler for tradition. He considers the writing of electronic bulletins the highest art form known to human- and/or giraffe-kind, and is constantly striving to improve his virtuosity and technique. His favourite colour is beige.
Secretary
REGINALD III
Maz is a curious creature who has rejected the traditions of Essex by being neither orange nor blonde. Most of her hobbies seem to centre around different ways of kicking things – at odds with her soft and fluffy demeanour. Always prepared to make a cup of tea or do a questionable accent to cheer people up, she is less prepared to actually study. She doesn’t really know what she’s doing for her DPhil yet, but that’s okay because nor does anyone else when she says “computational biomedicine”. So back to kicking things and making people cups of tea.
Welfare Officer & Sports Rep
MAZ ASPBURY
Flaminia is reading for a DPhil in Ancient Chinese divination. Apart from her interest in fathoming the unknown, she also follows the way of daoist immortality. You can find her either on the Island of the Immortals or, alternatively, on Mount Kunlun.
Welfare Officer & Environmental Rep
FLAMINIA PISCHEDDA
While Hannah may try to convince you that she is from Yorkshire, do not be fooled: she’s actually an Essex girl. After being chased out of Durham with pitchforks, Hannah ended up at Oxford to obtain a DPhil in Reading Books. However, instead of reading any books, she spends her time working up schemes as Access Rep and realising her election promise to seize the means of production. She can often be found hoarding drinks tokens from her friends, being branded a “terrorist” by commenters on the Daily Mail, and aggressively making her way through the line at McCoy’s for chicken nuggets at 1am. And a warning to all: nobody has taken Hannah up on her midnight tequila shots and not regretted it the next day.
Access Rep
HANNAH MCINTYRE
Katherine is a Theologian/Historian (depending on which has more funding.) She spends alot of time pondering Chrisitianity and reading the works of obscure mystics, shoots guns for fun; promises she's not American. Katherine is a peer supporter, good listener, and excellent shoulder to cry on (although those over 6 foot may have to stoop). She loves everything about Pembroke, and is determined to never leave. Ever.
Disabilities Rep
KATHERINE LIGHTBOWN
Marc was born and raised in New Zealand (he is not Australian). He researches how to make robots do stuff. Outside of studying, Marc generally enjoys doing things outdoors, so it is unclear why he decided to move to the UK. Get in touch if you would like to discuss studying, New Zealand, or building a robot army to take over the human race.
Academic Rep
MARC RIGTER
Thanks to her Dutch heritage, Lisanne knows how to ride bikes and will let any non-Dutch people know of their inherent inferiority. Despite this, she is extremely inspiring and will literally sit with you until dawn, providing social pressure and biscuits for you to finish your essays. She is the 'go-to' friend for a smoke, at any time of the day in any place. She would be a polyglot if the people who spoke the languages she knows were still alive and relevant. You can find her usually on any given day in the Oriental Institute. As a bar manager, it is one of her life's missions to raise everyone's alcohol tolerance.
LGBTQ+ Rep & Bar Manager
LISANNE OPHOFF
Simon is not actually a person but rather the conglomeration of every internet cat celebrity, all writhing around under human clothes. Casting off their feline fame just to bring us bar nights and brunches, it is this warmth, cheerfulness, and ability to disseminate into literally hundreds of kittens that makes Simon the ideal man to handle your drinks.
Bar Manager
SIMON CALVER
Olivia is Pembroke’s Queen Brie. Hailing from Provence, she knows a thing or two about la gastronomie and she can definitely tell red wine from white. Her love for Monopoly lead her to occupy the role of Treasurer for a whole year without any bankruptcy. She has given the cash back, but struggles relinquishing power, and she now oversees the different reimbursement and funding schemes implemented by the MCR. Global historian by day and very "bon(ne) vivant(e)" by night, you’ll soon learn that Olivia’s wonderfully ubiquitous presence can be felt all around college. In fact, she’s probably behind you right now.
Schemes Rep
OLIVIA DURAND
You know that bit in Transformers (2007) when Bernie Mac utters the immortal line, “A driver don’t pick the car, nuh-uh... the car picks the driver”, the same can be said of Louis’s DPhil. The combustion engine life chose him. Although he spends his days fettered in the MCR, he longs to answer the call of the open road (a go-karting track will do - for the moment), to feel the wind get stuck in his hair, and to buy a neck pillow from every service station in the UK. Don’t be put off by his grouchy-man, beardy persona because, after all, you can’t spell misanthropy without P-A-R-T-Y.
